When my parents broke the news that we were moving from California to North Carolina when I was 14, I was devastated. I hated the fact that not only was I leaving behind the friends I had grown up with, but also the fact that I was starting high school where I wouldn’t know anyone. Slowly I made friends in North Carolina, but I knew I never wanted to stay there. In fact, just after moving I bluntly told my mom that I would one day leave North Carolina.
So when the subject came up of moving to New York with my husband, I jumped at the opportunity. I was ecstatic about the new life and opportunities that the north held not only for myself, but for my marriage and our family. I never cried during my goodbyes, which if you know me, is a huge deal because I am normally an emotional train wreck.
Once we arrived in New York, I was filled with exhilaration, but I wasn’t expecting to feel so incredibly lonely. I changed my mind about continuing to work and instead opted to stay home with our son, Easton. A decision that I have not once regretted but led me to feel isolated. I was no longer surrounded by my friends and colleagues. I had my husband, of course, but outside of that I had no one to turn after a fight or a friend to get dinner with. I began to lose a sense of focus for my life. Motherhood has always been immensely gratifying and that purpose of my life has never wavered. But I felt a loss of who I am, the woman that defines me.
Life also has a funny way of not going the way you planned, so on top of feeling lonely and lost, our family hit an unexpected struggle. One that we are still going through today but hopefully we’re close to overcoming. Fortunately, despite all that has gone on and all that I have felt, I have not thought that we made a mistake leaving North Carolina. I am still so happy to be here. I still get excited to go somewhere I've never been. I love driving down to Lake Erie just for the view and I can’t get enough of the food up here. And now that I’ve started honest momma, I feel a purpose again for my life, I have something to work for and towards every day. I still have no clue what will happen down the road and that’s okay. I am full and content with where I am. And I am still very optimistic about all that New York has in store for me and my family.
I'm a twenty-something mama who honestly has no clue what I want to do in life at the moment. For the longest time that scared me but now I embracing it and documenting it here.