Going off of my last post about how I am more than a momma, I find it very important to date yourself or simply put: get some alone time. Yes, dating your spouse is awesome because time with your significant other is important too, but one of my personal favorite things to do is date myself. Going out alone, for me, helps center myself, builds my confidence because I'm not relying on anyone else for entertainment, and I don't have to please anyone else. I can focus on me, what makes me happy, and what I want to do. So I went and saw Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again, partly because my husband would never watch it with me, mostly because I love musicals (which I've mentioned before), and because I love ABBA.
I have zero pictures to document from Saturday because I went out in the closest thing to actual pajamas and wore zero makeup because my date activity was to sit alone in a dark movie theater. And let me tell you, I am glad I didn't wear makeup because I ended up sobbing like my own baby does when I don't whip out my boob fast enough to feed him when he's very hungry. Besides crying, I laughed, I quietly sang along, and I smiled so much my cheeks hurt by the time I got home.
Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again picks up five years after where the first Mamma Mia! ends. Sophie is working hard to open up Hotel Bella Donna and you also travel back in time to see exactly how Donna met Bill, Harry, and Sam. It was perfectly cheesy. Also, I highly encourage anyone who wants to see it to not watch the trailer and save everything for the movie. I don't want to give any more away but I do want to share two of my favorite things from the movie...
Yes, my blog is called honest momma, but I'd like to be clear: this is not a parenting blog, not really. Sure, there will be many posts dedicated to my life as a momma: the highs, the lows, and all the in-betweens. But honest momma wasn't created with the intent of staying on one subject. It was influenced by one way I identify myself, as a mom. I am, however, more than just a momma.
I am a woman who has walked this earth for 27 years. I am Jade and I love myself for who I am. I love Mexican food and binge watching The Office when I can't settle on anything else. I become obsessive when introduced to new things in life. I love musicals. There are times where I struggle with myself and feel lost, especially when it comes to figuring out what to do with my life. But for the most part, I'm comfortable in my own skin.
I am a wife. I've been married to my main man for over two years now and we're going on six years of being together. I met him when I was 21 and he was 45 but more on that later...
And lastly, and not because I think of it in last place but because it was the last thing I became, I am a mother. In a season where I felt so lost with myself and my identity, giving birth to my son and raising him gave me a purpose. On the many, many days where I doubt my abilities as a wife and struggle with myself, my role as a mother has held steadfast. But if we're being honest here, which I always try to do, there are days where I doubt my abilities as a mother and that's okay! That's life. And I love being a momma, I revel in it, I know I was made to be Easton's mom. But I will always be more than just Easton's momma.
I strongly believe that women should never be placed into one category or boxed into one identity. Women should not solely focus on their children and lose sight of who they really are at their core; we are wild, funny, honest, creative beings that should be celebrated for those reasons and more. Society might tell you that ideal is selfish, but it's not. You are a person first and mom second. You are honest momma.
Also huge shout out to my friend, Rachel, who so graciously helped me with this post!
This past weekend we traveled to Olean to spend some time with Tom's mom. As always we had a wonderful time with her and we were even able to sneak out to dinner with a friend without Easton. We don't get out often just adults so it's always nice when we do. My favorite part of the weekend, though, was a garage sale we went to where I walked away with some of the best items for only $3.50 - seriously. Growing up garage sales were one of my favorite things, I took them quite seriously with whatever limited budget I was given. Now, they're just exciting, if not more because I'm no longer looking for trivial things for myself, I'm searching for items to fill our home with beauty and uniqueness. Everything I got were items I went back to the sale after leaving knowing I would regret not getting them and I was lucky no one else had snagged them first...
When my parents broke the news that we were moving from California to North Carolina when I was 14, I was devastated. I hated the fact that not only was I leaving behind the friends I had grown up with, but also the fact that I was starting high school where I wouldn’t know anyone. Slowly I made friends in North Carolina, but I knew I never wanted to stay there. In fact, just after moving I bluntly told my mom that I would one day leave North Carolina.
So when the subject came up of moving to New York with my husband, I jumped at the opportunity. I was ecstatic about the new life and opportunities that the north held not only for myself, but for my marriage and our family. I never cried during my goodbyes, which if you know me, is a huge deal because I am normally an emotional train wreck.
Once we arrived in New York, I was filled with exhilaration, but I wasn’t expecting to feel so incredibly lonely. I changed my mind about continuing to work and instead opted to stay home with our son, Easton. A decision that I have not once regretted but led me to feel isolated. I was no longer surrounded by my friends and colleagues. I had my husband, of course, but outside of that I had no one to turn after a fight or a friend to get dinner with. I began to lose a sense of focus for my life. Motherhood has always been immensely gratifying and that purpose of my life has never wavered. But I felt a loss of who I am, the woman that defines me.
Life also has a funny way of not going the way you planned, so on top of feeling lonely and lost, our family hit an unexpected struggle. One that we are still going through today but hopefully we’re close to overcoming. Fortunately, despite all that has gone on and all that I have felt, I have not thought that we made a mistake leaving North Carolina. I am still so happy to be here. I still get excited to go somewhere I've never been. I love driving down to Lake Erie just for the view and I can’t get enough of the food up here. And now that I’ve started honest momma, I feel a purpose again for my life, I have something to work for and towards every day. I still have no clue what will happen down the road and that’s okay. I am full and content with where I am. And I am still very optimistic about all that New York has in store for me and my family.
For as long as I can remember I have loved to read. When I was younger, I was always found with a book between my hands. The last few years I haven't read as much as I would have liked but I'm slowly starting to read regularly again.
My first read for the summer was Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan. I'd seen the preview for the movie and thought it looked good that I decided to read the book first. It was so highly entertaining that I literally read the book in less than two days (which is crazy with a baby). But did you know...
I would say that I’m a simple girl but that would be a lie. I used to believe I needed to be perfect - an unfortunate byproduct of my raising - but have since realized that my imperfections are what make me the woman I am today. I have a flair for the dramatic, I have a childlike sense of excitement to new things, and I am innately curious about everything.
I used to blog when I was 19 but that was short lived. still, the desire to have my own platform to share my voice and ideas never went away. After a move from Western North Carolina to Western New York, I decided it was time to bring my thoughts and dreams to reality. So here is honest momma. An idea I’ve spent years thinking of. Here is a place where I will be open and honest with sharing my struggles and victories in life as my own person, a wife, and a momma. A space where I will share what makes me smile in hopes someone else smiles after reading.
Thank you so much for visiting, I hope you come back again soon.
I'm a twenty-something mama who honestly has no clue what I want to do in life at the moment. For the longest time that scared me but now I embracing it and documenting it here.